If you don't pay your exorcist you may get repossessed.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
If a man says something in a forest with no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?
I tried writing a drinking song, but I couldn't get past the first few bars.
The race for progress has no finish line; so, technically, it's more a death march.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
A will is a dead giveaway.
You're unique and special.........just like everyone else!
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I couldn't get lucky in a women's penitentiary with a handful of pardons.
Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.
They say gambling is a sin, but I bet you 10 to 1 it isn't.
Did you hear the pope came down with bird flu? He caught it from a cardinal. (OK, ok, it's not a one-liner, but I'm done!)